4 Gun Control

I know that this may come as a shock to many of my readers. It will be very troubling to those readers who know I make hunting calls in my spare time. But after long careful deliberation, and considering both sides of the issue carefully I have to say...

I AM FOR GUN CONTROL!

Therefore, the next time I pull my gun I will use both hands. No more waving my gun around with one hand and yelling like a maniac. No sir, I intend to control my gun.

Good gravy, what's wrong with these gun control people? The concept is okay, a world without guns would be nice, but it's not very realistic to think that the average murderer-rapist will turn in his gun. The mere fact that they rape and murder tells me they don't exactly lead a life of respecting law and order. Americans should turn in their guns because they CAN'T be trusted, and by their thinking all Americans will turn in their guns because they CAN be trusted. There's enough circular logic there to power a merry-go-round.

Then we have hunters. If we all turn in our guns how is it we're supposed to kill that deer? Jump out from behind a tree and whump him with a two by four? Bambi may have been a sweet little deer, but Bambi's dad has antlers that'll rip you a new butthole.

I can see me and Earl now on our turkey hunt chasing them through the woods with sticks. It'd be sort of like a rednect Lord of the Flies sort of thing. I'd end up calling him Fatty and tossing him off a cliff. Now is that a better world?

Now I'm not a gun toting lunatic, that's my cousin Earl. I have my guns locked up in my home safe and sound. But I just don't get these people who want to ban guns.

I have this friend who actually said to me, "I am safer walking through the projects at night with no gun than if I walked through them carrying one."

I admit there is a certain amount of logic to this argument, I can see both sides of the issue. However, he wasn't so brave when I offered him $100 to walk through the projects, gunless, wearing a sign that said I HAVE NO GUN AND A LOT OF MONEY.

The gun banners say we must get rid of guns or homicidal lunatics will carry them around shooting people at random. Yet when I want to carry a gun to protect myself from homicidal lunatics they tell me I'm paranoid. I just don't get the logic that says the more helpless we are the safer we are from deranged lunatics carrying guns.

Now lets take this concept one step further. They say we have raving murderous lunatics wandering around America with guns. With a gun in their hands they're very dangerous, we can't debate that. But taking the gun away doesn't, in itself, stop the danger...are they not still raving murderous lunatics? How about we stop them from wandering around America!

And then we have the phenomena of putting people on trial who protect their homes from intruders with their guns. "He shot that poor man who was climbing in his daughter's window! String up that criminal home owner before he kills again."

What sort of logic is that? Are we saying that the man that stands by and allows some hyped up junky to climb through the window and kill his whole family is moraly superior to a man who shoots a criminal to protect his family?

Excuse my rant on this subject but it's just gotten out of hand. I read the New England Journal of Medicine the other day. The article was about the epidemic of gun violence in America. They say it's an illness and should be treated as a disease. When did they become experts on guns at the Mayo Clinic? What's next an article on "do it yourself" heart surgery in Field and Stream? I can see both sides of any issue until one just gets plain foolish.

Then we have another argument by the gun banning folks. This is from their website..."Rifles and handguns are not necessary to our national defense." Forgive me my ignorance, but when I was watching us tear through Iraq it seemed to me every soldier had a gun. Didn't see a single one carrying a spear or pitchfork.

Oh but Chip, kids take guns to school and shoot their friends. Folks this is a recent phenomena. Guns have been commonly available for a couple hundred years in America, yet kids just recently started using them in schools. I don't mean to be abrasive, but there are other issues at work here. To put it bluntly, would we all feel better if Johnnie took a club to school and beat a few kids to death?

Remember folks:
GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE...PEOPLE KILL PEOPLE!

Guns just make it easier! I mean who wants to chase an intruder around their house beating him with a stick. Good grief I'm getting too old and fat for such foolishness!

So in honor of fairness and to show good will I suggest all us lawful gun toters in America get together and sign the following pledge:

I ___Your Name Goes Here___hereby pledge to never shoot anyone who isn't trying to harm my family and therby deserves it

_______Your Gun Toting American Name Goes Here_____.

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