At em Bomb

I finally got one of those ATM cards! My wife has had one for years but has never allowed me to possess one or touch hers. Oh the power I hold in my hands! The things I might buy, the services I might have rendered!

My wife refuses to give me the pin number so it's basically useless. She says I can show it around to my friends to make myself look big.

Naw, I'm just exaggerating I've had an ATM card for some time and even know my pin number. I can't figure how to use the ATM machine though. I always thought that ATM stood for Automated Teller Machine. I used one in Knoxville the other day and learned better. ATM stands for Automated Theft Machine. When I got the bill, forty or fifty banks had charged me $1 to give me $10 of my own money.

I called up some of these banks and asked them just why they thought they had the right to charge me $1. Most just said "because" and hung up on me, but one was nice enough to discuss it. They shant make that mistake again.

They told me that the $1 helped them recoup the cost of the ATM machine. They guy told me that the machine costs $80,000 and that doesn't include the money inside. Seemed feasible I guess. After all they shouldn't have to loose $80,000 just because I wanted a Whopper at Burger King.

But good sense got the better of me and I inquired, "If it costs $80,000 to have an ATM wouldn't it be cheaper just to put a man in the box and let him hand out the money?"

Not realizing I was serious, the man laughed and went on to explain that they had spent a large amount on cameras and bright lights for my security while using their ATM. And after all this is a computer and a real human would be prone to making mistakes. Nice of them to think about me isn't it? I thought to myself, I guess banks install bright lights and cameras because they want to be the only ones to rob me at the ATM. And besides that, not only would a human be more prone than a computer to make mistakes, he'd also be more prone to take the money and run off to Brazil. Only when I thought it, it came out of my mouth. The gentleman hung up on me.

My wife works at a bank and tells me that ATM's display their charges up front. I went back and looked and nowhere did it say "All of us and our brother Ed will charge you $1 if you use this superfied video game." I can't help but think I have better odds at video poker than using this thing!

If they want to put a realistic disclaimer on the ATM machines it should read. Only withdraw half of what you can afford because we get the other half.

But I'll tell you what banks really see in ATM machines. Here is a piece of equipment they hope will replace tellers. They have all sorts of benefits over a living teller. This machine dispenses and takes cash without wasting time with such bad habits as chit chat, or being paid minimum wage. It can not be easily threatened with a gun. I mean if you go up to an ATM with women's hosiery on your head and demand all the money it will just sit there and greet you with green text asking you to make a transaction. Not a single button on the machine says robbery either.

No, I think banks got tired of getting robbed all the time and built a robot to rob the public. It's only a matter of time before there is an ATM on every street corner. When you walk by they'll throw out a robotic ATM arm with a gun and say, "This is a holdup, give the bank all your money."

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