Suey Side

As some of you know, I have been ill lately. Fortunately, it turned out not to be anthrax like I first thought, but just a cold. A bad, snot running, head hurting coughing up a lung cold.

Finally, I broke down and went to the doctor. I've mentioned my doctor before, how he has a similar sense of humor as my own. I've also mentioned how he wants to "examine" me with a rubber glove. I think this explains my reluctance to visit the man.

Anyway, I sat there in his office describing all my symptoms. He looked at me and poked and probed. Then he sat down in a chair and calmly asked, "have you ever contemplated suicide?"

Now, I don't know how bad he thought my cold was but it was hardly worth committing suicide! I asked him if he didn't have some better advice than that.

Fortunately, he was asking because the medication he was going to give me can't be taken by folks with suicidal tendencies.

Suicidal? No, I don't think I'm suicidal, homicidal at times while I'm driving maybe. No, if things go wrong for me, I never blame myself. I always find someone else to blame. One day I might want to help one of these other people commit suicide but never myself.

I think people who commit suicide are the folks who have ran out of others to blame.

But I got to thinking about suicide on the way home from the doctor. Maybe it was what he said, or maybe it was the cost of the office visit, either way I started thinking about folks that do it. Unfortunately, I still can't figure it out. Why in the world would you want to kill yourself when there are plenty of other people needing a good killing worse than you?

Every time you see a suicide on the news all the relatives stand around saying they never expected it. "No, just the other day Johnny gave me his fishing boat and said he wouldn't need it any more, he didn't seem suicidal to me."

I want to see the families that admit to expecting it. "Yeah, we knew it was coming. Every day we'd come home and find him laying in the driveway. We'd have to get out and move him to get the car in the garage. It was only a matter of time before our drunk uncle Elmer drove over for a visit and did him in."

Then there are the families that eulogize the dead guy for the news reporter. "He was a lovely man, he just wanted to help others and volunteered at the Save The Whales store every Saturday."

If I ever do it and the news media comes around I don't want to be eulogized. I want someone to stand up and say, "Well, he really wasn't worth too much and sometimes he just plain smelled bad."

And I saw on the news the other day where this kid in Oklahoma did himself in. He left a note. Now, why does one leave a note? When the folks get home and notice you just lay there and don't move for a few days I'm pretty sure even the most dense of people might get suspicious.

This kid's note said:

"I cant tak it anymor I'm goin to blo my hed off."

What do you say to parents that encounter this? I'll bet if you asked around he seemed like a normal kid. The poor parents probably had no idea his grammar skills were so poor.

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