Reality Bytes

I am just sick to death of this years crop of reality shows. I'm as big of a Survivor fan as the next redneck American but I can't deal with it this year.

There are no good looking women! Last year we had the luscious Elizabeth, but this year we have female horse rejects straight from the glue factory. And never before have a seen a bigger bunch if city-fied losers! Just lay around and whine day in and day out.

I'm telling you they should just rename the show "Who Wants to Kill a Survivor?" I'd sign up for it!

I don't understand why they think they have to give a million dollars away to make a good show anyway. I could make a better show with ten grand! I'd take ten thousand dollars and go to the slums of Knoxville (Old City). I'd wander the streets until I found the most derelict bum I could find. Then I'd hand him the ten grand right then and there in cash!

The catch is, my camera crew would then follow the bum to see what he does with the cash. Then, the people at home could play along via a lame website like Maynardville.Com. The whole idea is to give money to the at home players who accurately predict what the bum will do next with his money.

Buy prostitutes, liquor etc.

No matter what, the fans would have the fun of watching this guy get fall down drunk and wander the streets of Knoxville. Now I may be wrong, but personally I'd rather watch a drunk urinate on the City County building than watch this year's Survivor.

Now, ever so often the police could stop the newly enriched drunk for a "challenge" just like on the real show. Let's see challenges could involve walking a straight line, touching his nose or standing on one foot. If he passes the challenge he can continue on with his night of merriment. If he fails, he get's tossed into Sheriff Tim's drunk tank. Once there, the at home players get to call in and vote for another inmate to be our contestant's boyfriend for the night.

Laugh if you will, or get mad and call me insensitive, I don't care. I'll bet you more people would watch my show than the lame Channel 6 news.

See I started coming up with ideas for new reality shows last year right after Elizabeth was voted off Survivor. My first idea was "Shot at a Million". One gun, five bullets six contestants. Each takes a turn pulling the trigger while the gun is pointed at their heads. The lucky guy that gets the empty chamber gets $10,000! I scrapped that idea when my contestants asked me if they lost this year could they compete again next year. I don't think they understood my concept completely.

Then there was my idea titled, "Give Him a Hand." On this show contestants bid body parts to be amputated for prizes hidden behind one of three doors. One door hides a million bucks while the others hide prizes of lessor value. The show would be just loaded with irony like the day the man bids his two legs only to choose door number three and win a bicycle.

And finally, I liked my idea titled "Sick of Being Poor." In this show we inject ten contestants with a deadly disease. They each call their HMO's and try to get approval for treatment. The last one left alive, while waiting for their insurance to approve treatment wins.

Oh sure, you're all sickened by my ideas. I can already see the hateful emails coming in. But you are the idiots that keep shows like Alley Mcbeal and Temptation Island on. And you people say I'm crazy!

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