War-E-Err

Maybe it's just me, Lord knows I hope it is, but this Afghanistan War thing is getting to me. Is it just me, or does America seem to be involved in the silliest war in history here?

Now listen, I'm patriotic. Not so much as to go out and pay Walmart $9.95 for a flag for my car. Flags go in yards and on buildings, not 1979 Toyota trucks. But my point is, I may be the only editorialist to declare that I still think President Bush is leaning toward the simple side.

Today he said, "Our intelligence says that Bin Laden is in Afghanistan, but he may have left." Does that make any sense?

With him down in Texas wooing the Russian guy and Vice President Dick in hiding, I hope someone remembered to leave a light on in the White House. I'd hate for Colin Powell and Rumsfeld to trip over a coffee table while they conduct America's business.

And then President Bush says we rescued those two aid workers. He made it sound like a daring raid to get them out. Yet when the two women gave their press conference we learn that the facts were a bit different than Mr. Bush led us to believe.

Seems the two ladies woke up one day and found their prison abandoned. They simply walked out. Now, one look at these two and you realize they didn't graduate at the top of their class. Let's see, we wake up and our prison guards are gone. What should we do? I know, let's wander out of the city and into the desert!

While wandering in the sands of the Nowhere Desert the two ladies see a helicopter. They try signalling the helicopter to no avail. Then the smarter of the two, hatches a plan. They remove all their clothes and set them afire. Sure enough the helicopter sees them and swoops down to pick them up.

A helicopter landing and picking up two naked ladies in a desert is hardly a daring rescue. If they had done that in America we wouldn't have called it a rescue, it would have been called an arrest.

My point on these two is, all's well that ends well. But what if the helicopter hadn't seen the fire? They go from being locked in prison to wandering naked in a desert in Afghanistan. Hardly a trade up in life.

Then we have the Taliban. These people make Iraqi soldiers look like Rambo. They issued a press release saying Bin Laden is alive and in Afghanistan. At least he was there when they left.

Imagine their surprise when we attacked! They tell Bin Laden to release his secret weapon and bring America and the Infidels to their knees. When they turn around Bin Laden is whistling and shuffling his feet. Seems he forgot to pick up the secret weapon at the local Terrorist Mart.

So, now we've ran the Taliban out of most of Afghanistan. I understand that most of the Afghan people are happy to see them leave. Well, except for the guy that sold beating sticks and sheets for women to wear over their heads. I don't think his business is doing too well. However, Abdul's Camel Rental is booming what with all the Taliban taking sudden vacations.

We have the Red Cross saying they'll be ready to help the Afghan people as soon as we let them in. How about helping New York first?

Charity begins at home! And in my opinion it stays at home until nobody in America is hungry! It stays at home until every old person can afford their medicine each month. A guy told me the other day that the only hungry people in America are those too lazy to work! First, that's not true, but I won't argue the point. Second, even if it is true I think we should feed every lazy American before a cent is sent to a bunch of people overseas that hate us.

We want to go over there and set up a new government. One look at our last Presidential election makes me wonder just how qualified we are to do that. What did it take four months for us to do one election? Maybe we could send all of Florida's ballot machines over there!

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