This page ©2001
Chip Brown.

Thera Pee

I am sick to death of idiotic simpleton psychologists! Especially the ones that get on TV and proclaim themselves experts of this or that. Their diploma says degree in psychology not expert in child raising or marital bliss.

It just seems to me back in the days when teachers could whoop butt, kids were better behaved. Now teachers have to worry about being shot and violating civil rights. Therapists told us that it's detrimental to a kid's psyche to beat them with a paddle. The government told teachers that busting a kid's rump was wrong and the teachers could go to jail for it.

I've found the reason why! Money! It's all a money racket! The therapists told teachers not to paddle kids. The kids grow up and burn down mommy and daddy's house. Mommy and daddy then take little Tommy to who? A therapist! They proclaim that they took the therapist's advice and tried "nothing" to raise their child. What could they have possibly done wrong? Where did they go wrong raising little Tommy? After all they took the therapist's advice and did nothing.

It's amazing to me to hear therapists say for a fee they can arrange the thoughts in your kid's head like furniture in an empty room. For a few thousand dollars the therapist will examine Tommy, tell the parents that they're failures and that it isn't Tommy's fault that he took a match and five gallons of gas and burnt their home down.

Not wanting to blame themselves or feel like failures Tommy's mom and dad hire a lawyer to find someone else to blame. Certainly it was the match company's fault. It's unreasonable to think that every match doesn't carry a warning about gas being flammable and shouldn't be used in conjunction with these matches. They sue the match company and get a load of cash!

Tommy, of course, in the meantime has robbed a liquor store and gotten locked up. Tommy's in jail, Mom and Dad have a ton of cash, the lawyer got a cut, the therapist is well paid and the government got to lock someone up. Everyone's happy, especially Tommy's new cellmate and boyfriend "Big Earl."

Wasn't it more simple back in the days when the Principle or teacher just busted your butt? It didn't cost anything, and I never felt compelled to burn our house down. It just stands to reason that if my fifth grade teacher Pauline Dyer hadn't busted my butt for putting fish sticks down the sink drain I would have turned out to be an arsonist.

People gave money to the Red Cross because of New York. They wanted to help the victim's families. Only 20% will be given to the families according to the Red Cross. We were much too stupid to decide who we wanted to help so the Red Cross stepped in and decided the best way to help New York is to pay for therapy for kids in California.

The guy on TV said it would help the kids in California deal with the disaster. I thought the towers just crashed down. I didn't realize that one flew off and landed in California, scaring a bunch of kids that now need the help of a skilled and obscenely paid therapist.

You know, maybe I see things too simple. Maybe it's the area where we're raised that determines how we'll act when something like New York happens. In California they need therapy. Here in Tennessee we all meet at Bate's Auto Parts. There we sit on five gallon drums of hydraulic fluid, eating a Snickers Bar drinking Curly's free coffee. We sit around and discuss New York. That's therapy for a southern guy. Curly's coffee is free and Snickers bars are 50 cents. Beats the heck out of paying a therapist now doesn't it?

And Northerners call us hicks!

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