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Chip Brown.

Bin-Workin

Once again, against my better judgment I watched the news last night. And once again the so called "experts" have angered me. Where do they get these guys? Secretly I think they go down to the homeless shelter and hire derelicts to be experts for the night.

Last night some moron was of course talking about Bin Laden on CNN. In his expert opinion he said that killing Bin Laden would not help anything. Maybe he's right, the guy doesn't look that bright to me. But while it may not help to kill the guy, I can't see what it would hurt.

This idiot goes on to analyze Bin laden telling us he most likely had a terrible childhood. Think his childhood was bad, those B-52's are giving him a pretty bad mid life crisis.

The guy went on to say that Bin Laden looks as forward to death as we Americans do to living. Well, hey, I've got an idea, lets kill him and go on living. He gets what he wants and so do we, everyone is happy. You know, if Bin Laden isn't afraid of meeting his maker why the heck is he hiding in caves? Why didn't he fly one of the planes that crashed?

You know, if some guy told me that I could further the Baptist faith by crashing my car into a building, far be it for me to disagree. Personally, I'd ask him to go first and show me how.

I saw on TV the other night where Bin Laden is married to that Mullah Omar's daughter. What kind of man would let his daughter marry this Bin Laden? I worry about my daughter growing up and marrying somebody like me, much less a gun toting lunatic...No wait, that's me! I mean a guy with a dirty beard.

I wonder what Bin Laden's wife thinks of all this. Most men are followed through life with a wife that tries to make them listen to reason. "Now, Osama what sort of example are you setting for the children." I'm thinking she probably doesn't go along with this terrorist bit. Most likely they're separated now and living in separate caves.

And for the last three weeks our talking heads in Washington are telling us how hard it is to find Bin Laden. Forget Bin Laden, I wonder if they ever found Dick Cheney. Where did this guy go? I guess he didn't want to get trampled by Congress when they fled, so he left early. The Whitehouse says he's in a safe location, sounds like under the bed to me. They should change his Whitehouse code name to Waldo. Then to take our minds off terrorism the whole country could play a realistic game of Where's Waldo?

But I don't get it. Why do we continue to allow every immigrant into America. I say that's what's wrong with America today! Too many foreigners! They come over here on those student visas and just stay. Several of the terrorists were here on expired student visas. Now a couple of weeks ago I was a few hours late returning a video to a local video rental store. They tracked me down and left terrible messages on my answering machine. Yet, we spend billions to staff our immigration service that can't keep up with immigrants. Therefore, I suggest to you we scrap the immigration service and use that money for more important things like bombs and issue each new immigrant a Blockbuster Video card. When that card expires I'll bet you Blockbuster can find them.

But now were going after Bin Laden's bank accounts. Ooh, I'll bet that scares him being a bazillionaire and everything. If they really want to scare him take his money and put it in my bank. They'll mess up his deposits, screw up his statements and charge him to death with overdraft fees. That'll learn him!

I don't think searching banks for his accounts really scare him. I mean do we really expect some guy that lives in a cave surrounded by guns and guards to trust a bank? This guy got 80 million dollars when he was 12. Through shrewd investments he has expanded that into what our country believes to be 300 million dollars. I can't believe this guy hates capitalism!

But all of this aside, I don't know why it's so hard to do him in. I think our government is just making excuses. Seems to me all they have to do is parachute Anna Nicole Smith into Afghanistan. She'll find him, marry him, get herself written in his will and have him dead in a week.

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