This page ©2001
Chip Brown.

America

I write humor, it's just in me. Today I'd like to comment on the travesty in New York. If sometimes I write things in this column that seem humorous, rest assured I see no humor in these events. However, my style of writing lends itself to some levity in anything I write.

First off let me say...God Bless America!

We have a group of people in the world that believe when they die in violence they go to paradise. They believe it so much that they die in groups blowing themselves up trying to take innocent people with them. People who have nothing to do with the strife in the Middle East.

It is my position that since these people want to die and go to paradise that America help them. I suggest we bomb them back to the stoneage and help as many of them reach paradise as possible, as quickly as possible.

Who do we bomb? Good grief, this may be the stupidest question asked by the news media during the event. I can't believe anyone can say they don't know who should be bombed. Let's begin with the people dancing in the street celebrating the murder of thousands of innocent Americans.

I don't care who gets killed, your friend or your worst enemy, you don't celebrate death. To do so simply says, "I am not worthy of life myself."

Next, lets bomb a country as a whole. What country? How about the country that this morning said if we retaliate there will be more attacks similar to the one we saw in New York. That'd be a great place to start. Then we finish with the countries that say we shouldn't have bombed that first country.

Ronald Reagan may have been a doddering old geezer, but there was one thing I liked about him. He didn't let these little countries push us around. And he didn't spend four months getting the approval of every other country before he acted. Since when did the United States need the approval of Saudi Arabia to bomb someone?

Much has been said about the courage, or lack thereof of George W. Bush. While it's true Reagan might have flown directly back to Washington, let's not forget he isn't in complete control of his faculties these days. I'm not sure I would have flown back to Washington while it was being attacked. He does, as President, have a certain responsibility to stay alive. However, I don't think a speech telling Americans to have courage carries as much weight when it's given while hiding in a bomb shelter in Oklahoma.

Now our government says there was a threat against Air Force One after it landed in Louisiana. Maybe there was, maybe there wasn't. Personally, I hope our government made that up to cover the panic regarding the President. Panic I can understand. What I can't understand is the stupidity of thinking..."There is a threat against the plane...the best thing we can do is put the President back on it and fly him around some more."

So let me say this in conclusion:

I don't understand the mindset of those in the Middle East. I'm sure they actually believe we are evil and should be erradicated. I feel the same way about their little groups. But lets be men, my Middle East friends! If you want to take us on, lets fight like men. You attack us not in a building full of women and children...look down the barrell of one of our Apache helicopters and make your statement, you bunch of cowards.

Finally, let me invite you all to a little party I'm planning. When we finally bomb the Bee-Jesus out of the twits who were responsible for this, meet me that night in front of the Union County Courthouse. I'll be the guy waving an American Flag, dancing in the street!

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