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Chip Brown.

McRatts!

I just heard this morning that the McDonald's Monopoly game was rigged! After eating all those Filet-O-Fishes I find out I never had a chance to win the million dollars! The way I see it, McDonalds owes me for a case of Rolaids it took me to hold down all the crap I ate trying to win money.

I mean, what's wrong with the world when you can't believe a clown? Ronald McDonald told me I could win a million bucks if I ate enough of his cholesterol laden wares. Now I find out that the "Edgar Shag-nasty" that won the million was the clown's uncle or something?

It should come as no big surprise to us when we think about it. Here's a guy that runs around wearing makeup and covorting with kids. If you took your kids to daycare and the idiot that ran it wore white makeup and wore big red shoes, would you leave your kids there? For Heaven's sake the man runs around with a known felon named Hamburglar!

What's next? Will Ed Mcmann tell me that indeed I probably have NOT won the Reader's Digest Sweepstakes?

I'm hurt and I'm betrayed that Ronald and his cohorts would do this to me. Oh, I saw what they said on the news. They blamed it on this guy they said they hired to run the sweepstakes for them. It was this guy that was corrupt, not the clown. I say to you there is a clown coverup!

Did you see the picture of the guy Ronald is blaming this snafu on? He looks like a guy I'd hire to clean toilets not run a million dollar sweepstakes. Even if McDonald's did hire him to run the sweepstakes what does this say of Ronald McDonald's management skills? This just goes to prove that clowns shouldn't be in charge of anything.

The only exception I can think to this rule is George W. Bush. I got my refund check last week and immediately went to the Pizza Parlor and had a pizza on George W. What's Ronald McDonald ever gave me but a tummy ache?

Oh, I hear what you're saying, you can't believe I would say these things about poor Ronald. But I'm just as mad now as I was back when I bought all those magazine subscriptions and still didn't win the Reader's Digest Sweepstakes.

What's Ronald going to do? Take me to McCourt? Sue me for Mclibel? Let him try, I'll make him look like a clown...well, more like a clown, in front of the jury.

The FBI said they started investigating this story after a tipoff that everyone might not have the same chance to win the McDonald's Monopoly game. First off, did they really need a tipoff to that fact? I remember a day when the FBI was on top of things. I suspect the tipoff came from a big purple guy named Grimace who was recently dropped from the McDonald's Happy Meal Dancers.

Second, what kind of moron calls the FBI and complains that they didn't win the McDonald's Monoploy game? I can't believe the FBI would even consider taking on that case.

Oh yeah the FBI will investigate clown fraud, but as soon as I call and tell them I think my neighbors are Nazi spies they hang up on me.

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