This page ©2001
Chip
Brown.
Dr Uganda I Presume?Remember Ms. Dorothy? She was my fifth grade teacher. I know most of you don't know her but you knew a teacher like her. She was that one teacher that loved reality and didn't care to share it with the class. "Class, I want you all to take a good look at Chip. He thinks he's funny, and do you know when Chip will be at his funniest? When he is 40 years old and handing out French Fries at McDonalds." You all had a teacher like this didn't you? Well, I sure fooled Ms Dorothy! I am now 40 years of age and have never worked at McDonalds... In fact I have been unemployed most of my adult life! Shows what a fool she was doesn't it. If she wasn't dead now I'd rub her nose in it. In fact, she is dead now, so I guess I won! Anyway dear masses, I come to you today to brag a bit about my worth. I never knew I was important, but apparently my reputation has reached Nigeria! I got an email this morning from "Anderson K. Eseimoku" who purports to be "an official of the Government of Nigeria." He'd like me to help him lay his hands on some oil money. Now Mr. Eseimoku is one of those rare individuals that looks past my current financial status (broke) to see my potential (stinking filthy rich). He has $200 million dollars and is willing to give me thirty percent of it if I can help him get his money to America. Apparently his bank charges $10,000 to make a withdrawl and he needs to borrow it from me. I hate bankers! First they won't give me a loan to open my roadside hotdog stand and now they won't let this poor Nigerian withdraw his $200 million without a huge fee. I'm going to ask my wife tonight if I can borrow the ten grand to help my friend, who I now call Andy. Surely she can look past some of my past failed business deals to see this one has potential. I realize now that opening my own mail service to compete with the Post Office was ill advised. It's not like I actually lost money on that one anway, thirty days in jail and a small fine wasn't so bad. In fact my wife says it was the best thirty days she's had in 20 years. That reminds me I need to get her a 20th anniversary gift. I stand to make almost seven million dollars helping Andy get his money out of Nigeria. The biggest problem will be how to spend it all. I'll probably buy all my relatives a new car. A new Toyota 4X4 for my dad, a new Lexus for my wife, possibly a new Porsche for my brother, a slightly used Yugo for my mother in law... Now my friend here in the office keeps warning me not to get involved in this. I suspect that he is simply jealous. Possibly he's frustrated and can't figure why such good things befall me and not him. But listen Andy didn't just pick me, he did his research. In the email he tells me that the Nigerian Board of Business Relations has personally vouched for my business skills. I have no idea how they know me but I suspect they found out the great trade I made for my last used car. In that maneuver I traded a Corolla with a leaky radiator for a Corolla with a bad transmission! Now Andy warns me that we must keep these dealings just to ourselves. This tells me he has relatives like mine. They find out I'm coming into all this money they'll all want a cut. Apparently Andy has several relatives on the police force as he specifically warns me not to tell them. Greedy cops, let them get their own money writing tickets. No sir this deal is just between myself and Andy. Man it is times like this I wish Ms. Dorothy my old fourth grade teacher hadn't been hit by a bus. I'd love to rub her nose in this. "You know Dorothy old girl how you said I'd never amount to anything? Well it just might amaze you to know I am now a huge sucess in international finance. Well, I can tell you don't believe me, just ask the Nigerian Board of Business Relations, they can vouch for me." |
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