This page ©2001
Chip Brown.

Spare a Dollar?

I need $1! Well, it's not so much as I need your dollar in as much as I'd just like to have it. I bet my wife that you people would send me money if I asked for it.

The rules were, I could ask for a dollar and see how many people send me one. I cannot say things like "I have incurable halitosis" or "it's for a good cause." Fact is, I have no incurable disease, nor would I spend your dollar on anything meaningful.

There was a time during the last recession when people stood on the streetcorner and asked people for dimes. I guess, this is the definition of a beggar. However, what with the advent of the cyber age, I hope to become the streetcorner beggar of the Internet. I could become the beggar's beggar. The beggar that all other beggars look up to! You can make my dreams come true by simply enclosing a one dollar bill in an envelope and sending it to me.

Now, you may say that there are many ways of making money on the Internet without begging. This is true, there are plenty of sites out there that promise to give me money. The catch is, they all want me to do something to get it. My dream is to receive money without actually having to work for it. All offices in the Union County Courthouse are full right now, so I've decided to do something more honorable...BEG.

I guess maybe you have a few questions, I'll try to answer them here. Yes, you there in the back...

I am a new visitor to your website, are you serious with this?
Yes I am, I truly believe that my wife is wrong and several readers will place a dollar in an envelope and mail it to me.

What will you use the money for?
I don't know, I'll probably blow it on something at Walmart.

Shouldn't you donate it to charity?
Yeah right. I'm going to go to all the trouble to beg only to give the money away? You don't read many of my articles do you?

Seriously, what will you use our dollars for?
Nothing worthwhile, I can promise you that. I do however, promise not to use your dollar for 1) Booze (I don't drink), 2) Drugs (I don't do drugs...except Actifed for my sinuses) 3) Wild women (My wife already said no)

Will you tell us how much you get?
Yes, I will keep a running total on the site telling how much I have received. I will also keep a Hall of Shame listing all my donors.

Will you tell us what you do with the money?
Yes, I promise to disclose what I use the money for no matter how ridiculous!

You're just a whiny guy asking for our hard earned money.
Hey, that's not a question! It's pretty accurate though. But people send money to idiots on TV that sell real estate in Heaven. They have no idea what these people spend their money on until the preacher is caught in a motel with a hooker. At least with me you know your money will be squandered and you'll know for what.

Isn't this illegal?
I don't know, is it? I've been honest and not promised anything.

Is Maynardville.Com going broke?
Yes, but that has nothing to do with this. My wife pays the bills so I sure ain't spending your money on that.

Are you going broke?
Yes, see above answer.

Where did you get this idea?
Well, a few weeks back all my wife's friends got together and gave her a baby shower. Not the sort of shower that uses water (I was surprised too). She sat in a chair and people gave her stuff for no apparent reason. Since you readers are the closest thing I have to friends, and since as a male I am not likely to ever become pregnant I thought I'd just ask.

Have you gotten any response yet?
Yes, and I will answer each reply personally such as:

Chip,
I thought about sending you this dollar I found in the floor the other day, but I decided to spend it on a Milky Way instead. So if you wonder why you didn't get my dollar I spent it on a Milky Way bar.
Malcom

My Answer:
Dear Malcom,
Years ago your mother found a dollar. Your mother and your father discussed how to spend this new found wealth. Candy bar or birth control? You are the proof of their choice.

Here's another good one:

Sir,
You are an idiot if you think I'm sending you a dollar for nothing!
Ed.

You know, I never thought of that. All my problems in life are because I'm an idiot, I never would have thought of that.

So, why should we send you a dollar?

Well, you send the IRS money every year for nothing, why not me?
You are going to pass away soon and you hate your relatives.
You are about to get divorced and want to be assured of one dollar your wife won't get.

There are tons of reasons, but the biggest of which is because I asked. Simply put, I just wanted to see how many folks would send me money. Most of you think nothing of renting a Jim Carey movie for $3, tell me this is any crazier than that!

Now, if you would like to contribute $1 to Chip please enclose a dollar bill in an envelope and address it to:

Chip Brown
P.O. Box 363
Maynardville, Tn 37807

Those sending $5 or more will get an autographed photo of me...fully clothed (sorry).

Please help in my crusade to become the world's first Internet Beggar. Accept no substitutes! If I don't get money from you folks for doing absolutely nothing, I will move on to Plan B., Becoming the world's first Internet Mugger.

The contents of this page does not necessarily represent the opinions of Maynardville.Com, it's owners or the staff.