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Chip Brown.

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Flip the Card

I used to have all sorts of confidence in our Rescue Squad. I have defended them in the past when others put them down. Most of the members are friends of mine. Imogene and Duck have known me since I've been in the world. But I fear this group has gone too far this time. They have bested me in the funny department! This I take personally.

No, I can not defend what they have done this time. Oh, I don't blame them, I just wish I had thought of it first.

It all started last Saturday as I left the Bank on my way to Halls. I saw down near Hensley's, that someone was taking up money in the road. Now, at Hardees I quickly made the judgment if this was a Rescue\Fire Dept. fundraiser. If it was, I would continue on and make a donation. If it was a Homecoming Queen begging for funds I'd cut through the fast food parking lot and go around.

Seeing flashing lights, I assumed that it was indeed my friends the Rescue Squad. I continued on down there and stuck out some cash for the bucket. As is customary, the Rescue Squad member gave me a card with all their phone numbers on it. Great, I would put it in my collection in the ashtray of my car.

But there was something different about this card. Something caught my eye. On the front of the card were the emergency rescue phone numbers. On the back was an advertisement for Cooke's Mortuary! I guess they figure you need to call the Rescue Squad first, and if they can't help you maybe Doug up at the Mortuary is your next stop.

Now I don't know who was responsible for this advertising genius, but my hat is off to them. This was better than anything I could have ever thought up.

I know that Doug and Ireland probably helped them out with the printing of their cards and that's very nice of them. But there was something that bothered me about this. Something about this card just screamed to me that all hope is lost.

You may remember that last year I offered the Rescue Squad some tips at better fundraising. Most of it involved bikini clad carwashers. This was the best I could come up with. It was quickly shot down by numerous e-mails I received from Squad members who assured me they would not wear bikini's if I gave them all my money. Hope they know I was suggesting that the girls wear them.

So now I have this vision of being splattered all over the highway and someone finding this card in my car. Of course they'll try to help and call the number for the Rescue Squad. And if the Rescue Squad can't save me, they've supplied the number of a good undertaker. This is advertising genius at it's best! I know you all think I'm making fun of it, but I'm actually impressed.

Now, all of this got me thinking about death, car wrecks and possums. Death and carwrecks you understand, but the possum has been in my mind all day. Somebody hit a huge one near the end of my driveway.

Now Doug has the Rescue Squad business card advertising all sewn up. Shrewd move. But we also have Ailor's Mortuary next to the Courthouse. I feel sorry for my friend EJ. I offered advertising advice to the Rescue Squad, and Cooke's came up with the card idea, what can Ailor's do?

Well, I've put my mind to work and I've come up with an idea. Better than my past ideas because I put a whole three minutes of thought into it. Now, I know Ailor's Mortuary reads my articles, so I hope they'll let me know what they think.

We have an ambulance crisis in our county. We're beginning to talk about buying our own ambulances and running the service with county funds. Some commissioners think we can't afford to buy ambulances. We can if we sell advertising on the side of them. Right there on the side we can plaster "This Ambulance Sponsored by Ailor's Mortuary."

On the firetrucks we can put signs that read, "This Truck Filled by Maynardville Utility Water...The best in wetness." Before you know it we can have Lifestar flying to wreck scenes pulling banners that read "Eat at Joe's."

Yeah, I'm telling you as much as I sit and think of advertising gimmicks, I have been bested this time around. Dang!

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