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Chip Brown.

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Women Vs Men

Remember that guy who wrote that book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus? Didn't I hear he went insane and ran naked across the Golden Gate Bridge? I either heard that or dreamed it.

I know I give women and my wife a hard time. The other day a lady walked up to my wife and expressed to her how bad she felt that she has to be married to me. I guess it was about then that I realized I needed to say something nice about women.

I thought for three or four days and finally came up with something. Women smell better than men! Now this isn't to say they are better, just that they change clothes every day. The standard man rule is that if it's still laying in the floor and our wives haven't carried it away to that hamper thing, a shirt has another day left in it.

But all kidding aside, I want to be maybe the first man to say women are smarter than us. That Mars Venus guy says that most men are attracted to a woman's intelligence. Well, maybe on Mars this is true, but on Earth that Baywatch show says it's something else. No, I don't think we're attracted to it, in fact I think it scares us to death!

But it's not our faults that we're not as bright as women, life has just made it that way for us. Take shoe sizes for example. I have one shoe size, it's 9 1/2 or is it 10 1/2? You can ask my wife she keeps up with important things like that. But you ask a woman what size shoe she wears and she starts asking questions. What brand? What style? Evening shoe? Morning shoe? There are so many choices!

A brain is just like any other muscle in the human body it must be exercised to stay in shape. Women have more to think about than men. We don't even have to remember when Baywatch comes on, this company puts out a magazine every week to tell us when to watch TV. And our wives can tell us where that magazine is! Women use their brains and therefore are tons smarter than us men.

Women know their colors! I must have missed that day in school. I know blue, red, and green and can pick them out of a lineup four out of five times. But did you men know there are different shades of these colors? There are fuscias, salmons and rusts! Can any of you men tell me the difference?

My wife sewed little symbols in all my clothes. I know that pants with a circle in them may be worn with shirts with a circle sewn in them. This is called matching your clothes. When we go out in public our clothes must match. My wife explained this to me one day when I wore my orange shirt and my green pants.

Women can just remember things like that. I figure some time back in the evolution of the species known as men, we all carried purses. Just like women we walked around town with handbags. But as time went by, we left our bags places and had no idea where to look. After all, they won't fit in our pant's pockets, and I know of nowhere else to look for things.

If I loose my keys I start patting my pants pockets. If I loose my Chapstick I look in my pants pockets. If I lost my piano I'd look in my pants pockets! I mean where else do you look? Women have a knack for finding things because they know where to look.

Women have more time to exercise their minds because they don't spend all day looking for things. They carry purses in which everything fits. I looked in my wife's purse the other day. Science explains to us there are black holes. Places in space so large that all matter will fit in them. Trust me you don't have to have a telescope to see a place like that. Just look in my wife's purse!

Tons of chewing gum, plenty of inkpens, receipts from three years ago. She even has a supply of lint, in case the clothes dryer runs out. Everything you can need is in that thing!

This is why women are smarter than men, it's because of purses. If men could carry purses without other men making fun of them we'd be just as smart as any woman.

I saw a man at the mall the other day carrying a purse. Oh, it was shaped different and made of unfinished leather, but it was a purse. No matter how manly you style one, it's still a purse. Yep, I pointed and said, "look at that pansy." It was out of my mouth before I knew it.

I guess the male of our species are doomed to ignorance because we can't carry handbags. Shame too because JC Penny has one that would go so well with my hiking boots.

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