This page ©2001
Chip Brown.

Nay Boars

We have new neighbors again. These seem pretty tame but the ones before were an odd bunch. You know how I feel about neighbors by now. They're either someone for me to pester or someone who pesters me.

There is this trailer down the road a little way. People move in and out of it every time the rent comes due. As such, I get a constant supply of people to write about. This last bunch came and went quicker than I could write. I'm not so much sure that they actually moved in as I am that they had a party there and never left.

I guess they'd been there about three days when one of those Rent-A-Watchama-call-it trucks pulled up. I figured just moving in, they were getting a bedroom suit or something. Nope, it was a set of speakers bigger than the people unloading them. I swear I think they had to knock a hole in the roof to get them to fit in the trailer.

Now I can tolerate music, coming from teenage years in the 80's I'm a big fan of Metalica and the sort. But these...people...polluted my front yard with rap! Lyrics, if you can call them that such as: "I's gonna kill, give me a pill, find that "HO" she owes me the dough." I can't put my finger on it, but something about that just doesn't sound right.

Now, the oldest of the folks that moved in seem to be about 21. The other fifteen new residents seem to be around 18. None seem to have graduated highschool and none seem to have pants that fit.

I guess every parent fears the day that the kid stands up and says, "I ain't a taking your rules no more I's moving out." The parents say, "Yeah right" fully aware their kid has no job and therefore no money. Imagine their surprise when they come home and find him, and the family silverware gone. Then they go into panic mode. "Oh, where is little Johnny?"

Never fear parents, little Johnny just moved into the trailer down the road from me. There he will live until the people that rented him the trailer realize he has no means of paying them rent.

Now, I think all this rap made my new neighbors deaf as a doornail. They yelled all the time. Only the first week I learned, just by sitting on my porch, that Rachel can't deal with Eddie any more because he won't share his weeds. Well, I'm not sure why Eddie wants to hog all the weeds, but Rachel is welcome to come get some out of my yard. My wife has been after me for years to get rid of those dandelions in her flower bed.

I had just had it with these new neighbors! However, my wife forbade me from visiting my new neighbors in person, due to a poor track record I have dealing with morons. Idiots and me are like water and oil, we just don't mix very well.

Take the kids that moved into the trailer. Let's say I went over there and said to turn the music down. I figure they'll either smart off to me or stand there with stupid looks on their faces. Either way makes no difference to me, the results are the same. Oh yes, there will be an altercation.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I know what it is to be young. I don't really blame the kids that much. No, I blame the parents, they had no right having kids in the first place! These are the parents who take their out of control youngster to a psychiatrist and confess that they have tried nothing and it didn't work.

That's why I think when a psychiatrist see's this, he should immediately administer a full frontal lobotomy to the kid AND to the parents. Then put them in a room and let them utter sentences like, "Me like fluffy pie!" Then they can just laugh and wet themselves. At least this I can understand.

But as I said, this article is a little late. It took about 20 days for the landlord to realize these kids have no means of support. Oddly it only took 19 days for the Rent-A-Place to realize they couldn't pay for those speakers.

So I looked out one day to see them loading their mattresses on top of their Buick and moving away, like modern day nomads. Ahhh...It's quiet again!

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