This page ©2001
Chip Brown.

Out Last

It's a strange life we live in these days what with reality TV and all that. Now, as any man will tell you, men love cop shows. Oh not that NYPD Blue silliness, I mean real cop shows. Shows like, America's Worst Police Beatings and the such. But I think reality TV has gone too far. Much like serial killers, when a reality show is successful there are dozens of copycats.

I just don't know where we're going these days. When people tire of the boredom of watching Survivor what comes next Murderer? I'd pay to see that.

Now, as most of you know, I wrote a scathing review of last year's Survivor show. Not surprisingly, I wrote it just after the pretty Colleen girl got voted off the island. I hated Survivor. But this year I watched the first episode and must admit, I am hooked. Especially, since there is a lady from Knoxville on the show. Don't much care for her though, she stabbed her only friend in the back. Well, she didn't literally stab her friend, I guess that would be the Murderer show. I shouldn't be too hard on Knoxville-Tina though, for a million dollars I'd cave someone's skull in with a rock. Theres no telling what I'd do on a TV show.

But, I guess everyone wants money, thats why they allow themselves to eat worms on TV. But in all honesty, a million dollars isn't that hard to come by any more. Just ask the lady that spilled McDonald's coffee in her lap. Let's see, spend three months in Australia eating worms or pour coffee down my drawers...How hot do you figure the coffee would be?

It just seems to me there are easier ways of making a million dollars today. I've been thinking about it and it just doesn't seem that hard. I've been going about it all wrong though. An investor told me one time if I invested so much every month, by retirement age I'd have a million bucks. Who wants to wait until old age makes them so senile they'll wet themselves and give their money to their grandkids.

Used to be, all you had to do was fall down in a grocery store and whammo you could collect. These days everyone is doing that, it just doesn't pay off anymore. Juries today want to see carnage and blood. I have nothing against carnage and blood, as long as it's not mine.

I've been thinking maybe I could use my grandmother in my scheme. She's a miser and always looking for a way to make a dollar or two. I can tie some raw steaks to her legs and lock her outside in my yard. My neighbors have this rotweiler that seems hungry. Once he attacks grandma I can collect from their insurance. Now don't start writing me about how mean I am to my grandmother...I'll give her a few dollars of the settlement.

What am I thinking, I can't do that. This is my grandmother after all. I guess greed just got the best of me. The way she swings that cane she'd probably kill the dog and I'd end up paying for it.

I guess I'm doomed to be poor.

But, I'll keep watching Survivor this year at least until all the pretty girls are eliminated, just like most men. If they want to keep me past that, they'll have to put some danger in the show. The only thing that could kill these contestants is boredom.

Seems to me if you call your show Survivor they should have to survive something. Thus, if you loose you didn't survive, and maybe got eaten by a wild animal.

If they really want to make a Survivor show, dress the contestants in deer outfits and get them lost in the woods during hunting season. Strap a movie camera to their heads so we can all see. Sort of like a bizarre Blair Witch Project.

Or dress them in a bunch of gold jewelry and have them walk through downtown Knoxville after midnight.

Now these are both shows I would watch every week. Unless the Crocodile Hunter is on.

The contents of this page does not necessarily represent the opinions of Maynardville.Com, it's owners or the staff.