This page ©1999 Chip Brown.

Fun In a Car

There is nothing more dull than driving long distances in a car. When I was a kid I invented games to pass the time when my family went on vacation. I would sit in the backseat and make rhythmic noises with my foot. The object of this was to see how many times I could get my dad to stop and look for something loose on the car.

Another fun game was obscene gesture. In this game I would make obscene gestures at cars following us on the Interstate. This game was contagious. After making my gesture often enough, the guy behind us would blow the horn. This apparently, was the signal for my dad to join the game, because then he would make a similar gesture to the one I used to start the game. Then of course the car in the back would pull around to gesture some themselves. Yes this was a fun game.

Now that I'm older I like to play more sophisticated games while driving. The object of these games is simply to invoke some reaction from my fellow motorists.

I like to stop at redlights and look at the person next to me weird. I try to use a suspicious look on my face. Then when I get their attention I change my look to fear and lock all my doors. Then when the light turns green I speed off.

Sometimes I enjoy having conversations while sitting at redlights. Really animated conversations and maybe a disagreement. Waving my arms in the air to get everyone's attention! Then I let them see I am alone in the car. Then when I have their attention, I give them my evil devious grin. be careful with this one, sometimes you can cause people to run redlights doing this.

Stopping at greenlights is always fun. But I must caution you on going at red ones. While this may be fun for those watching you, it can be a real let down for you.

Sometimes I think it's fun to take a Barbie Doll or a stuffed animal with me on my drives. I can put on a little show at the redlight. I can make my Barbie dance in the window for the amusement of the driver next to me. This works better with a sunroof, that way everyone can see your little show.

I like to drive down the road waving at the other motorists. I'll just wave and smile. Sometimes they wave back. If they do a get a mean look on my face, give them an obscene gesture and drive off.

It's fun to sit at redlights and keep glancing behind yourself with a paranoid look on your face. Most likely everyone will think you're running from someone. Before long you'll have everyone looking back. When this happens and the light turns green you can get a jump on all the other traffic.

I enjoy fuzzy dice. I like to sit at redlights talking to my fuzzy dice. Then when I get someone's attention I smile at them and point at my fuzzy dice. Then I take my fuzzy dice and offer them out the window to the car next to me. Sometimes they drive away. But if they should roll down their window, I ask them if they'd like to pet my fuzzy dice.

I like to drive around and watch smokers. When they are done and toss their cigarette out the window I stop and pick it up. Then I follow them until they stop. I walk up to their car and ask them if they dropped this. Then I give them my environmental speech. Then as a visual aid I top my speech off with tossing burning pieces of paper into their car.

Finally I like to stop at roadkill and stand around. I paint a yellow outline around the dead animal. then I stop cars and ask them if they saw anything. They will of course say no and I will tell them it looks like the work of a serial killer.

Yeah, well if I'm nuts, why have you read this far?

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