This page ©1999 Chip Brown.

The Men's Marriage Game

Men, here is a fun game to play when the "Man Show" isn't on Comedy Central. Women, help your men keep score, we might have to count above ten at times. Below you will find some scenarios and a pont score for each. Keep track of your score by adding and subtracting the point values assigned to each and compare it at the bottom with the national average.

Husbandly Duties

You go out to buy your wife some flowers. +5
You instead return home with more beer. -10
You check out the noise she heard at 3am. +10
You check out the noise and nothing was there. -10
You check out the noise and something was there. +15
You beat the cause of the noise black and blue with a basseball bat. +25
You then discover the cause of the noise was your wife's cat. -50

Parties and Social Functions

You stay by her side the entire party. +15
You stay by her side for a while, but leave to talk to an old school friend. -10
Your old school friend is named Tiffany. -50
Tiffany is now an exotic dancer. -75
Tiffany has had some cosmetic enhancement surgery. Quit game now and go buy your wife something

Weekends

You visit her parents. +10
You visit her parents and make conversation. +15
You visit her parents and stare off into space. -10
You visit her parents and watch TV. -10
You visit her parents and watch TV and the TV is off. -20
You spend the weekend watching football in your underwear. -20
They're not your underwear. -30

Her Birthday

You take her out to eat. +25
You take her out to eat and it's not a sports bar. +35
Okay it is a sports bar and you just lied to her about it. -50
It's all you can eat night at the sports bar. -30
Before going to the sports bar, you painted your face to match your favorite team's colors. -50
You give her a gift. +25
The gift is a kitchen appliance. -35
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months. +100
You wait intil the last minute and run out to Walgreens and buy her a gift. -50
You use her credit card at Walgreens. -50
What you bought her is two sizes too big. -100

Memory

You forget to pick her up at the doctor's office. -50
The doctor's office is in Knoxville. -50
The pouring rain dissolves her leg cast on the walk home. -100

Out With Your Friends

You have three beers. -75
For every beer after three. -25
You tell her you'll be home by nine. +5
After telling her that your home at three in the morning. -100
You get home at three in the morning smelling of beer and cigars. -150
When you get home at three you arrive naked and drunk only clothed in tree branches and leaves. -180
After getting home at three in the morning you wife notices your new tatoo. -75
After noticing your new tatoo she asks why you have Mona tatooed on your arm. -200

Taking Her Out

You go to a comedy club. +5
The comic verbaly attacks women as a whole. -10
You laugh. -5
She's not laughing. -10
You laugh harder. -20

Directions

You lose the directions on a trip. -10
You lose the directions and get lost. -15
You get lost in the bad part of an unknown town. -20
You get lost in the bad part of town and meet the locals. -25
You get in a fight with the locals. -30
She finds out you lied about having a black belt. -50

Now grading your test is simple. You lose! No matter what your score is you lose. And should you start winning she will begin to cry for no reason. After crying, she will make you guess the reason she is crying. No matter what you guess it will be wrong. Each wrong guess costs you 5 points. Sh will keep this up until she has taken all your points.

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