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Dunk Em Boys

I have thought for a long time about ways to correct some of our worst social ills in the world. Social ills like telemarketers, politicians etc. I used to think they could be reformed with therapy. Not any longer. I think all these people understand is a good boot to the rear.

Tennessee has long been a haven for idiocy. Sometimes I think other places load up all their idiots and bring them to our state. We take these idiots and try to reform them by giving them positions of authority and government jobs. The ones too stupid to hold a government job, are given driver's licenses and allowed to roam our roads at will. They seem to favor the stretch of road through Halls and especially the Walmart parking lot.

It used to make me so angry that I couldn't get rich, while these idiots were handed everything. I fought it as long as I could, trying to make a living the honest way. Then, unable to fight the idiots any longer, I hit upon a plan. Why fight the idiots when I can find a way to make money off of them?

I've decided to open a business in Union County. I know there's always the threat of competition here. Heaven forbid someone think you're making a dime, they'll be five more people go into the same business within a mile of you. I once wanted to do an experiment. I wanted to open a business selling painted rocks. I'd just sit on the side of the road in my painted rock stand, selling my painted stones. Whether or not I ever sold one is irrelevant! I would go to the local eateries every morning and brag to the rabble about how much money I was making. "Yes sir, them rocks is goin' faster than I can paint em'".

Before the week was out you'd have five other people opening up painted rock stands! Each would try to sell their painted rocks a little cheaper. Each telling people the other guy's painted rocks are of an inferior quality.

I may still do this one day.

But today I have decided to open The Chip Brown Tar and Feather Emporium!

Nobody likes politicians, but they feel helpless. "What can we do?" They ask. Vote them out of office? That doesn't seem quite harsh enough. For a fee I will go to their office with my new fangled tar and feather machine and give them a good coating.

Yes sir, for a fee I can make our whole Courthouse look like it's been invaded by the chicken people from Neptune!

Then, we'll turn our attention to the next boob that opens a car lot. Or possibly the next big thinker that starts a lawn mowing service. Imagine it! Before long you can have your lawn mown by a man in a tar and feather chicken suit! Maybe you'd like to buy a used car from Honest John the feather wearing used car dealer!

I'm telling you with a bit of motivation, we could find a reason to tar and feather most every person in Union County! Shoot we haven't even talked about the preachers yet! We could have a county full of feather wearing chicken people! Who doesn't know of at least three people who could have their attitude adjusted by the careful application of some hot tar and feathers?

But you watch, if I start my tar and feather business, there will be a Joe's Discount Tar and Feather place open up right down the street. Then the good citizens of Union County would miss out on the opportunity to use either of our services. Me and Joe would be much too busy tar and feathering each other.

Remember, if any of you start a tar and feather business, Internet writers are exempt from being tared and feathered! It's like a rule or something.

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