This page ©1999 Chip Brown.

What Women Should Know About Men

• Given the right circumstances, any man can cook. All we need is fire and meat. Seasoning is optional as we feel ashes do very well.
• Men can learn anything given enough time. It is however, not a good idea to try to teach us in public. No, it's best to shape and mold us in the privacy of our home. Out in public, in front of other men we have to know. And if we don't, we don't want other men seeing us being told by women.
• We have no conception of what "relationship" means. So when you say "we need to talk about our relationship," we have no idea what you mean. Those of us who secretly do, will simply play dumb.
• Men can buy underwear easily. There are only two types of men's underwear. Manly and non manly. Anything with Foghorn Leghorn on them are considered manly.
• Men do not care if another man wears the same suit as us to a party. This freaks women out "Oh my, Suzie has the same dress on, take me home!" No it simply means to us that our wives shop at the same store.
• If you take us shopping we would prefer to go to the toy section while you look. If you must have us follow you to the unmentionable sections, don't ask questions. You really don't want to know what we think of the girl on the bra sign. If women knew what we thought they'd never stop hitting us.
• None of us think Meryl Streep ever made a good movie. However we all feel that Salma Heyak should get an Emmy!
• Women can ride for miles in a car without saying a word, being totally silent. Most often they are thinking of relationships, and the meaning of life. Surprisingly men can do the same thing. However they are usually thinking, "what's that noise coming from the engine?"
• Men are forgetful, just live with it. That's why instant replays are so popular on football games. It is simply not fair to remind us of something we said eight months ago when you get angry. We probably didn't know what we meant back then and we sure don't remember now.
• It is physically impossible for men to pass a woman in a bikini without looking. I've seen men try, they look like they have malaria! They sweat, they become nervous, and most of them are with their wives.
• Women always complain about men not being honest. Yet they ask us, does this make me look fat? Oh yeah, they really want an honest answer to that. Which do you want honest or peace?
• We have no comprehension of how the toilet seat works. We suspect it operates very similar to the dirty clothes hamper. Maybe when we master one, we'll have both. You just don't want to push us too hard, we might get the two confused.
• As odd as this may sound, sometimes, we're just not thinking about you.
• We don't understand why our wives get mad at us for looking at women in Wonderbras. If we don't look at them how will we know just how pretty you are?
• What are you going to do with all those shoes? Men are happy with two pairs of shoes, a pair of tennis shoes and a pair of hiking boots. Well, maybe three if our hiking boots don't match our Sunday go to meeting duds.
• No man can stand to see his wife cry. It's just the way things are. It troubles us to see you in distress. And besides that, we can't hear the TV.
• If men wrote dictionaries, the word hint would not be in it. We just don't get the idea behind it. If a man wants a gun for Christmas, you won't see him wandering around the house saying things like "I wish I had something to shoot that cat with!"
• You can save yourself some grief and us some late night trips to Walmarts. Mark our anniversary on the refrigerator. Preferably just above the beef jerky.
• Men do not act like the guys on soap operas. These are the guys who got beat up in school. Women getting reality from TV is like men getting their reality from a Victoria's Secret catalogue. Most likely we'll both be disappointed.
• If there are two ways at looking at what we said, and one makes you angry, we meant the other one.
• You can ask us to do something or tell us you want it done, to do both confuses us.
• Do not try to make fools of us. Stand back and watch, given enough time we are more than capable of doing that ourselves.

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