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Airline Shopping

If you're ever in Atlanta or New York, there are some neat stores you have to stop by. They're called Airline Terminal stores. I call them legal theft emporiums. They're where airlines sell off all the booty from lost luggage.

Now, this got me to thinking as I parused through all the goodies. What kind of racket are these people running? I read once that it costs $3500 per hour to fly a jetliner from New York to Atlanta. Yet, sometimes flights may only have 100 people. Now we take that 100 people and multiply it by the discount air fare and we see the airline is going broke. I often wondered how they stay in business. Now I know.

They steal your luggage and sell it in New York! What kills me is that it's legal! What if everytime you got a taxi, the driver went through your luggage, and kept anything he could sell? Would you like that? No! So why is it okay for the airlines? I say it's because they have a captive audience. Who are you going to complain to at 30,000 feet? You don't like it buddy? Get out!

Let's think for a minute. First they ask you what's in your luggage. I'm sure that makes it to some list. "Hey Joe, passenger 3451 is carrying a golden candlestick."

Next, they make you pass your luggage through an x-ray machine. They say it's for your protection, but I know the truth. It's to make sure you didn't lie to the lady that asked what you have. The x-ray machine is simply to see if you're hiding any sellable loot!

So, this explains how you can loose one piece of luggage out of three. Oh they say it fell off the conveyor. This in itself scares the Dickens out of me. I'm trusting my flying at 30,000 feet to a bunch of people too dumb to put my luggage back on the conveyor. "Oh, well this one fell off...better sell it!"

Now, they say they can't find the people who lost the luggage. I'll bet you if it had cocaine or marijuana in it, they'd find you quick enough! But, if it has a new hair dryer or a Ming vase, well hey, that's booty for the sale.

I say to you that modern airlines are no more than a bunch of flying pirates! They x-ray your luggage and take your things. In return for allowing them to do this they don't crash and kill you!

Maybe they'll give you four or five of those little bottles of liquor during the flight. I suggest that this is to make you numb to the world so that they may search through your pockets. Having found nothing of value in your luggage they get you liquored up to search your person during the flight. In my opinion this explains all the inflight fights that happen now! The guy comes to to find the pilot going through his things and starts a ruckus! To keep this person from alerting the other passengers to their plot they lock you in the toilet and land at the nearest airport where you're taken away by the Marshals.

Hey! I bet the federal government is in on this plot too! I'll call Sixty Minutes tonight and tell them my theory. I know they didn't like the last four theories I sent them but this one makes more sense.

But my point is this. Oh yeah, I even have a point to this one. The airline industry is the only industry in the world allowed to lose your things, put them in a store and make you buy them back from them. Most businesses have a lost and found, airlines have a lost, deny knowledge of whereabouts, find, and sell department.

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