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Chip Brown.

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Inog-Irrate

I have yet to be a big fan of politics or politicians. Oh, I vote every year because I feel some sort of duty. And besides, the politicians that hang out at the polls give out cards like crazy. These make great scrap paper for me to write on.

I was not a fan of the Clinton presidency, nor was I a Bush fan, nor a Reagan fan nor a Carter fan and for that matter I didn't care for Ford either. Now Nixon, that was another case. I liked Tricky Dick. He was a crook and didn't care who knew it, I kind of respect that.

I was watching the news this morning and saw where the Clinton people upon leaving the White House removed all the letter W's from the computer keyboards. I could see me doing something like that if I were President. If I were President I could also see me running off to Mexico with the Treasury too, but that's another article.

I sat there watching the inauguration the other day. I guess it was history, so I sat on the couch and watched it all. Popped me some popcorn and sat there all day, waiting to see someone fall down or something. Not unlike most Nascar fans, I watch such events just in case something goes wrong.

One of the commentators, talking about the awkwardness of George W. and Clinton riding in the limo together, asked, "I wonder what they could be talking about?" One of the other talking heads speculated that George W. was probably going over his speech.

Being bored with the lack of catastrophe so far, I began to think about what that ride must be like. I could see in my mind Clinton looking out the limo window and saying something like, "Hey George, look at the legs on that girl!"

George W. would, of course lean over to Bill's side of the car and point at his speech notes and reply, "Bill, what's this big word?" I have no doubt of it. I'm not one of those that think George W. is simple, he's still smarter than the average mammal, but in a speech in Austin Texas, he was quoted as saying, "I'm for some things and against others."

I was beginning to worry that I would run out of Presidential humor, now that Uncle Bill is leaving office. If Gore had been elected it would have just been boring. So if somebody besides me has to be President, I guess I'm glad it was Bush. It has nothing to do with Democrats or Republicans, I'm just as broke under one administration as I am under another. What I base my political beliefs on is...I'll vote for the easier of the two to make fun of! And until someone runs on a platform promising to give Chip a lot of money I will continue to vote this way.

Hey, I voted for Perot because he had funny ears!

But how can you not like a guy who, while giving a speech at a literary council in Idaho says, ""One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." Yep, he actually said that. Then the next day the newsmedia picked up on it and asked him about that statement. To their question, asking if he realized that was a silly statement he answered, "They misunderestimated me."

So I watched Nightline the night of the inauguration and was not surprised to find them talking about the day's events. What does surprise me is the way they seem to have lowered the standards for our new President. When asked about the speech Mr. Bush gave, one commentator said, he thought it was remarkable how Bush gave the hole speech without looking at a single card. Possibly, this moron didn't realize there were tele-prompters in front of the stage. He went on to comment on what a job it must have been to commit that whole speech to memory. The next commentator added that it really seemed like President George W. understood the speech he gave.

My point is this. Are we supposed to judge our President on his memorization skills? My Sophomore teacher made me memorize a gazillion page poem called "Down To Grandmas" when I was in highschool. I got an "A" on my recitation of the poem. Does that qualify me to be the President of Panama?

And why did this other commentator give him extra credit for understanding what he said?

I started to think I was going to have a good four years making fun of George W., but now I think the real humor may be in the way the newsmedia tries to avoid saying..."That boy is as dim as a Christmas light in a tanning bed."

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