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Monkey Motive?

The article I found inside the Knoxville News Sentinel is far better than anything I write. The title of the article is Newspaper reports monkeys stone herder to death over scarce water. Supposedly it happened in Nairobi, Kenya.

Seems these monkeys ganged up and stoned to death a man who was drinking their water. I can think of many ways to die, but being stoned to death by monkeys must be 1) Very painful and 2) Very very embarrassing. I mean after all who would want to be in line at the gates of Heaven and have to admit that?

The guy in front asks another man, how did you get here? The second man replies, hit by a bus. Then he asks someone else and so on. Different methods of demise are discussed. Some died of gunshot wounds, some died of cancer, auto accidents and the like. Then eventually, you know they'll ask you and all you can say is "stoned to death by monkeys."

But the article goes on to explain the whole incident. The final line says that the report does not specify what kind of monkeys carried out the attack. Now I ask you this, if they don't know what monkeys did it how do they know the motive. Generally, we don't know the motive until we have a suspect. These monkeys could have had good reason to stone this man! Why do we assume it was over water?

I submit to you that the man may have been playing poker with these monkeys and dealt from the bottom of the deck. After a proper amount of liquoring up, the monkeys took revenge on the cheat.

Possibly it was a love triangle gone bad. Possibly the man made eyes at one of the monkeys wives! Then the monkeys took matters into their own hands.

I simply mean to point out that we do not know what monkey did it so how do newspapers speculate on the motive?

What's next a report on what the monkey suspect was wearing? The suspect was last seen swinging south from vines and wearing fur. Before long CNN will be filming the monkey swinging ahead of the chasing police. They'll do a phone interview with the monkey suspect. Mostly it will be a lot of grunting, but I withhold my judgment until I hear the monkey's side of the story.

My opinion is that this wasn't the work of one monkey. Most likely this was a monkey gang, high on banana peels just out for murder. Most likely another senseless case of swing by stoning.

I stand firmly on the side of the monkeys myself! If this guy was drinking up their water, they have a right to defend it. After all a monkeys home is his castle (actually its a jungle).

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