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Alien Invasion

As I sat there last night watching War of the Worlds on late night TV, I began to think about aliens. Why do we fear aliens the way we do? I'm not talking about the kind of alien that changed Texas' motto from the Lone Star State to Se Habla Englais. No, I'm talking about the ones that come from outer space.

There seems to be two lines of thought here. One is that aliens will come and cure all our illnesses and such. The other is that aliens will come and blast us all to dust. But both assume that aliens will be smarter than us.

Why do we assume this? Just because people can travel space doesn't make them all that smart.

I'll bet if we as a human race hadn't spent the past 100 years dreaming up new ways of killing each other, we could have conquered space by now. It's simply a priority thing. Aliens may have spent the last 100 years developing space travel while we were creating weapons to anhialate the masses.

So maybe the aliens have spent their energies toward traveling space and not spent all that time developing horrible weapons. To some this makes them a superior race.

I say if my theory is right we are likely to be visited by aliens with no super weapons at all. Therefore, I think it's best if when the aliens land we simply ask them about their weapons before we show ours. If they pull out a destructo ray, we make friends with them. If they pull out a two by four or a wooden club, I say we shoot them and take their spacecraft for a spin around Mars. Then let's see who wasted the last 100 years.

No, I think we really overestimate the aliens that may come to Earth one day. One only has to look at the facts. Where do aliens usually land? In a cornfield out in the middle of nowhere. Hardly the hub of earthly activities. And for that matter who do they contact? A world leader? No, they flag down some beer swilling yokel in a Ford truck.

So what's the first thing they do when they come to Earth? They land in the backyard of some house, just beyond the laundry line. There they levitate the dogs with a pulsating glowing finger, and perform this trick just long enough for a passer-by to see it.

Next they fly off to some scientist's house whom everyone has suspected of being insane and tell their story to him. They instruct him to tell the story to the paper with the largest circulation in the world! This happens by the way to be the National Enquirer.

So, you can see that if we believe some of the alien stories we see in newspapers and on TV, why should we think these are intelligent beings? Just because they can travel space and we can't, is no reason to decide they're superior to us.

An alien that comes to Earth and dazzles us into submission with his superior weapons? I can hardly find myself believing in that. I'm much more likely to believe that if aliens come to Earth it's because they're lost. Most likely they'll stop over to ask directions.

Yes, I can see aliens now landing their spacecraft in New York at a Quicky Mart to ask directions. Of course when they return to the parking lot to board their spacecraft they will find it gone. Welcome to Earth.

But I say hogwash on aliens! Oh, I believe there is life out there in space. But I think they have better things to do than come to Earth and do magic tricks for us. Nope, I figure the only aliens that will land in America are the ones that will fall off the fence in Texas or float up on an innertube in Florida.

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