This page ©1999 Chip Brown.

Chip's Tax Plan

Do you know what I think? Of course you know what I think, I tell you each week what I think, don't I? Well this week is no different. Today I think something else!

Apparently, our legislators think we don't need a lottery. As the polls show, most Tennessee residents favor a lottery for our state. Legislators for some reason continue to vote it down. The only legislator to ask my opinion of this issue is Mike Williams. For a large part, he's the only politician to ever ask my opinion of anything.

That's okay though, I'm not a big supporter of the lottery, anyway. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the lottery either on scientific or moral grounds. I realize we lose tax dollars each week to Kentucky, and Georgia. I realize that Tennessee stores on the state line are going out of business as a result of Tennessee not having a lottery. Shoot the way I figure it, the lottery may be the closest thing I have to a retirement plan. Nope the lottery is fine, I just think there is a better way.

Now follow me here. I think if we are going to enter into the fundraising business we should start a local gameshow. Right on TV we could have the "Chip's Fun Hour." I could be the host, and ask the questions. My gameshow would have all the great elements of all other gameshows. But as you've come to expect from me, my gameshow would be a bit different.

My gameshow would be called "You Bet Your House!" On my gameshow, people would compete for huge prizes handed out by scantily clad young ladies. Each contestant would answer questions chosen from spinning the wheel of doom. When the question is asked, each contestant has ten seconds to buzz in. Now here's the catch! We have your whole family in a soundproof room. Each time the man of the house gets a question wrong, a band of clowns attack his family with wet socks filled with manure!

Now, each day the two contestants with the best scores would go on to the bonus round. In this round there would be ten questions. Each contestant would bet their house against a million dollar prize that they can answer the most questions. Each time a contestant buzzes in and misses the answer his opponent is slapped across the face with a fish. I feel this would cause both contestants to intentionally miss questions to punish his opponent!

Either way, the losing contestant will forfeit his house to the state, who can then sell it and raise revenues to be spent on schools. After all, the current tax plans thought up by the state will eventually take you house anyway! At least my way you have a chance.

Actually progressive thinking like this could solve several of our social woes. Everyone complains about the divorce rate among our residents. It clogs, our court system, that desperately needs the time for property disputes. I think we should solve divorce cases with a game show!

Decisions involving custody of the kids could be solved with a spin of the wheel. Although, I suspect if most men, win the kids they'd ask for a respin. Questions could be asked to determine who wins or loses the divorce. Once the man loses he advances to the alimony round! He gets to spin the wheel to set his alimony payments. My luck I'd land on $10,000 per month. In that case you'd see me next week on the bankruptcy game!

Even elections could be done away with. Each candidate could enter the election game. With a spin of the wheel they could find out what office they will be playing for tonight!

Yes sir, I can see a day when all of our important decisions will be made on gameshows! Bob Barker will become our king.

The contents of this page does not necessarily represent the opinions of Maynardville.Com, it's owners or the staff.