This page ©1999 Chip Brown.

12 Year Old Pushers

Without a doubt, the most sadistic bunch of people I know, are the people who run the Girl Scout program! Oh, they think nobody knows what they're up to but I see what's going on.

They get these twelve year old girls, and make them stand outside Walmarts and push the most evil, vile, tempting, addictive wares the world has ever known. GIRL SCOUT COOKIES! Oh, many of my dollars have been lost to these preteen chocolate pushers.

First I could never in my life say no to a girl. When they look at me and say "sir would you like to buy a box of cookies?". My heart melts and I buy several. My wife warns me that they'll be there, she reminds me of my diet. Many times I go home with chocolate on my face and Samoans on my breath and try to convince my wife I lost the money she gave me to buy a water heater element.

And they get you addicted to these things. Then when you're addicted they take them off the market for a year! Last year I bought (honestly) two cases of Samoans. It was my intention to freeze them and try to have them all year. Might have worked too, but I ate them all in a month.

So I'm telling you, the creators of the Girl Scout program are....ALIENS!

Yes aliens, they intend to take over our planet! They have plied us for many years with wonderful cookies. Next to the Miss America Pageant, I look forward to nothing else, more each year. One year before long, the aliens will put some sort of chemical in the Lemon Cremes or the Thin Mints to control our minds. Then we'll all be wearing short skirts and berets and doing the bidding of the Girl Scout Aliens!

Just makes since now that I've said it doesn't it?

Luckily this year I preordered. I have several boxes of chocolate covered coconut on their way to me as I type. I won't have to endure the embarrassment of getting my cookie fix from some eleven year old blonde out in front of KMart!

At least not until my initial order runs out. I am an incurable Girl Scout cookie addict. I create websites to support my addiction.

My wife says one day we'll have a daughter who will become a Girl Scout. I guess if that happens I can always mortgage the house. On the line that says what is this loan for? I'll simply write COOKIES!

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