This page ©1999 Chip Brown.
It's all in the mind
In my ever growing quest to understand women I've been thinking again. I know some of you doubt that, but it's true, I do think before I write, sometimes.
I saw on TV the other night a movie preview that
had Mel Gibson in it. In the movie he gained the ability to hear what women
think. Now, I'm not sure I would like to have that ability. I think I enjoy
life a lot more thinking that every girl that looks at me funny is secretly
in love with me. It's this sort of oblivious train of thought that allow
most men to make it through life. I mean how would I feel if I knew what
the girl at Walmart was really thinking? I like thinking she finds me attractive
as opposed to finding out she's noticed I forgot to zip my pants.
Women put a great deal of stock into themselves and their mate understanding each other. Sometimes my wife says things like, "we've been married long enough to know what each other are thinking." I sort of doubt that or she'd be hitting me a lot more.
But women have as many misconceptions about men's thoughts as we have about theirs. For instance, let's say Dick and Jane are driving down the highway. Jane turns to Dick and says:
"Do you realize that next Tuesday is the three month anniversary since we started dating?"
A long silence ensues in which Dick is thinking "three months, wow that's a long time."
Not being able to read Dick's mind, Jane begins to speculate about this long silence and comes to the conclusion that Dick must be contemplating the meaning of their relationship.
Dick is really thinking, "We've been dating three months? Have I had the oil changed in that time?"
Jane begins to wonder if Dick assumes by her statement that she is trying to push for a commitment from him.
Dick is thinking to himself, "I'm overdue for an oil change."
Jane then begins to feel slighted and begins to wonder if she wants to stay in a relationship with someone like Dick, who was afraid of commitment.
Dick is now wondering about his anti-freeze and the last time he checked it, the weatherman said there was a cold spell coming. And he begins to listen for that knocking noise he's been hearing in the motor lately.
Jane is caught up in Dick's contemplative silence wondering if she's pressuring him too hard.
Dick is thinking thumpity thump there it is again.
Jane wonders if Dick has wanted a more meaningful relationship with her all along.
Dick wonders if his car is still under warranty. Probably not, he's never been that lucky, he'll give that dealer a piece of his mind...
"Dick," Jane finally says.
"Hmm?" Dick replies, jolted from his daydream of strangling the guy who sold him this car.
"I didn't mean to pressure you when I said that."
"Huh?" Inquires Dick, oblivios to the fact that she's even been talking..
"I have been looking for a knight in shining armor," admits Jane.
"She wants me to shine her armor?" Wonders Dick.
"You think I'm an idiot now don't you?" Asks Jane.
Glad to have a question he understands he says, "no!" Secretly thinking maybe she's losing her mind, he's pretty sure she doesn't own any armor.
Jane replies, "It's just that before I make a commitment I need some time to think."
Back to being unsure what she's talking about, Dick plays it safe and says..."Yes?" Then he begins to wonder where she keeps her suit of armor.
Jane exclaims, "Dick, you're wonderful to understand!"
Wondering what he just agreed to Dick decides to stick to his last answer and again replies, "yes?"
Dick will later drop Jane off at her house and drive home himself. He'll make a mental note to ask Jane to see her suit of armor one day. Once home, he will open a bag of corn chips and watch a baseball game. Jane will sit up all night thinking about this wonderful talk and the turn their relationship has taken.
The next three weeks Jane and her friends will discuss the talk Jane had with Dick and their relationship. They'll analyze every word and discuss the body language Dick used when he said them.
Later that month, while Dick shoots pool with a friend, he'll ask, "Bob, does Jane own any armor that you know of?"
This is how relationships start. Dick will end up married to Jane and have no idea how he got there. The successful marriages are those where the man and woman never understand what the others are thinking.
It's just that women don't understand that men don't hear every word they say. For instance:
| Women Say
Let's clean this kitchen up. I'll get the mop you go get the broom. Sit all the chairs in the living room. Carry the garbage down as you go. |
. | Men Hear
Let's blah blah blah. Blah blah blah go blah blah. Sit blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah down blah blah blah. |
No, I think relationships are hard enough to understand without my mind having to be cluttered with knowing what she's saying, much less what she's thinking.
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