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I Got a Job

No not a job like work, but a Job like the guy in the Bible. Maybe I better explain.

The other day I wrote an article about mules and women. In it I made several comparisons between the two. Then, I blew it. I made reference to Job from the Bible and how he had tons of patience. I referenced that he must have had a good wife.

In fact, a lady from New Testament Church wrote me to inform me that Job's wife was not a very good person at all. Rats! She's right!

I got out my old rusty Bible and blew the dust from it's cover. (No this isn't the one I ACCIDENTALLY stole from a church.) I turned to the section she told me to look at. Job's wife told him to curse God for what was happening to him. Here is a lady trying to get her husband to curse, my wife hits me for saying dirty words.

I guess Job's wife wasn't such a good lady after all.

I just don't understand all this Job stuff, maybe it's a lot more complicated than I originally thought. Shoot I loose my patience looking for my socks in the morning. I can't imagine what Job went through.

People write me all the time and tell me I'm an idiot or this or that isn't right. But I must say, this lady was very nice. Not only did she back up what she said, she didn't call me foul names like our political leaders do. I appreciated that. Normally, I ignore political leaders because I have no fear of them. However, the leader this lady represents can cause a lot more trouble for me than taxes. But this lady even invited me to her church. You know, I may just take her up on it.

But still, I feel bad for saying that about Job's wife. Maybe I was thinking of Lott's wife. She was turned to salt. Just standing there frozen into a statue of salt, can't move and can't talk...can't talk can't nag....hey, that is a better wife!

So, just what do I think about religion? I'm a Baptist, and honestly I have had some bad experiences in bad churches. I cannot nor will I lump all churches into that group. Most, really do try to do good. I am not one of those who believes you have to go to the biggest fanciest church. In fact I am just the opposite.

I kind of look at God like the ultimate Internet service provider. Unlimited access, no busy signals and 24/7 tech support. Way better than I'm getting with AOL.

What are my real deep down thoughts on prayer in school? It's this...I think it's a bad place when we live in a world where the only four letter world you can't say in school is pray. Toss out all the technicalities of law. When I get up to Heaven and they start reading off everything I did wrong, and they ask why I let politicians take prayer out of schools, do you really think they'll listen to my speech about Civil Rights? I'd rather have Billy Graham defending me as Johnny Cochran in that trial.

What are my thoughts on evolution? You know, that's something that does trouble me. God said he created the world in seven days, yet later in the Bible God says (don't quote me) a thousand years to man is but a second to me. Seven days, times twenty four hours, times sixty seconds. I won't go into it but my line of thinking is that there is room in my beliefs for both the Bible and dinosaurs. I'll just leave it to say, I'll bet even Darwin is a believer now.

Now, I feel a need to make amends for my mistake in Bible stories. New Testament is that church down at the county line that has the neat messages on their sign. My wife's friend Ginny (hope I spelled that right) got married there the other day. So I thought, what can I do to repay this nice lady? Not only for being nice, but for correcting my error?

See, I figure that when you die you go up to Heaven and they read off all the bad things you did in life. I've got plenty of explaining to do without explaining why I misquoted the Bible on my website. So here in my thanks for erasing that mark from my bad book, I offer these suggestions for your church's sign:

'Pray' is a four letter word that you can say anywhere (except in a public school).
Make your eternal reservations now--- 'smoking' or 'non-smoking'?
Give God what's right--, not what's left!
Satan can't bring you down any further than your knees.
But St. Peter-- what about my civil rights?
God allows "U Turns"!
In the sentence of life, the Devil may be a comma but DO NOT LET him be the PERIOD!
Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church.
No Jesus, no peace; Know Jesus, know peace!
Walmart isn't the only saving place!
God doesn't want shares of your life, He wants controlling interest!
God does what few men can do--forgets the sins of others.
We don't change the message, the message changes us.
This Church is Prayer-conditioned!
When the Lord's people become a dirty gray... The black sheep become more comfortable...
WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning!
Plan ahead-- it wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
All our seats come with a first-class service!
Come in today and beat the Easter crowd.
Come in and let us prepare you for your finals.
Plenty of folks give the Lord credit-- few give Him cash!
If you can't sleep, don't count sheep; talk to the Shepherd.
A hypocrite is a person who's not himself on Sunday.
Give Satan an inch and he'll be a ruler.
For all you do, His blood's for you!
Big Bang theory-- God Spoke and "Bang!" It happened
If you're looking for a sign from God to get back to church, this is it!
Jesus! Don't leave earth without Him!
Where will you spend eternity? a) Here b) Heaven c) Hell d) Not sure? Is that your final answer?
Most people want to serve God-- but only in an advisory capacity.
Do you want to go to heaven? Flight instructions given here!
Exercise daily-- walk with the Lord!
Smoking won't send you to hell, it'll just make you smell like you've been there.
If you can't stand the heat-- better make plans to avoid it.
The wages of sin is death-- quit before payday!
Remember the banana-- when it left the bunch it got skinned.
Eternal trip to Heaven...all expenses paid. Inquire inside!
God does not promise a comfortable journey, only a safe landing.
In case of nuclear attack-- the ban on praying in school is lifted.
Never give the devil a ride because he'll want to do the driving!
Children brought up in church are seldom brought up in court.
FOR MEMBERS ONLY. Trespassers will be baptized.
The cross is God's way of making a plus sign out of a minus.
Your actions speak so loud I can't hear what you're saying.
April 1: National Atheists Day
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