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I Want To See The Chef!

I know I complain about the schools a lot. Well, complain might be a strong term, I guess I just make fun of them. But generally, I take the kid's side in most disputes. Somebody asked me the other day why I do that. I guess one reason is because the kid's are generally right. They don't have their heads clogged with facts and polls that the newsmedia has fed them. The second reason is kids don't annoy me as much as most adults.

So I was up at the school the other day and the kids were complaining about the lunch. It was chicken nugget day. I sat there listening to this kid complain about how terrible it was and finally stole a chicken nugget off her plate (she wasn't looking). I must say, you kids are spoiled. That was a great chicken nugget! Just the right amount of breading and a proper amount of nugget.

You kids in Union County have no idea how good you have it. This morning the channel 10 news had some kid read Knox County's menu for the day. Know what they're having? Breaded squash!

While you kids are chowing down on chicken nuggets, pizza, hamburgers and tacos, these kids are getting squash. I couldn't believe they actually try to feed kids that stuff.

Now, I've always known that schools are overcrowded. One of the most crowded places in school is the lunch room. Knox county seems to have solved their school lunch crowd problems by introducing such kid's favorites as breaded squash. Somehow, I doubt there are kids saying..."Yipee it's squash day," like kids in our schools, that get excited over pizza day.

Yeah, our kids in Union County schools don't know how good they have it. A full fifteen minutes to eat, and no squash, who could ask for more?

I used to complain about the kids getting only twenty minutes to eat. A school official told me kids could go through the line, find a seat and eat all in twenty minutes. As I sat there with this official at the Pizza Parlor, two things occured to me. 1) Why is this person eating at the Pizza Parlor and not the school caffetreia. 2) The basis for their opinion on the twenty minute lunch period is "nothing is impossible." I guess nothing is impossible to those who don't have to do it. It's possible to climb the Empire State Building, but I wouldn't want to be the guy who tries to do it.

So why are kids complaining about school lunch all the time? I sat there the other day and watched kids eat (stealing another nugget from that little girl's plate). It dawned on me, it has nothing to do with the quality of the vittles. It's boredom! These kids have fifteen minutes to eat, and are finished after two. Then for thirteen minutes they just sit there shooting off at the mouth.

Kids have no imagination today. I blame this on video games. Kids today have to have memory cards, and CD-Roms to have fun. Whatever happened to the good old days when sticking straws up one's nose was a good pastime? I know feats such as this got me through many school lunch periods.

Now kids just play video games. And when they're not playing them, kids are sitting in the lunchroom talking about them. Talking! Kids shouldn't be talking in the lunch rooms! They should be blowing wet projectiles out of straws at their friends.

People say kids act out and do things because they want attention. Maybe that's true and it certainly applies to my theory. Just remember, the amount of attention you get is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions. Just look at me. I go through life like a normal person, nothing. Then, I start Maynardville .Com and newspapers want to talk to me! Only in America.

Kids should be kids while they're kids. All too soon you grow up to be 35 and there's plenty of time to sit and talk. You have to shoot spitballs while you're a kid! You can get away with it when you're 12. You try it when you're 35 and Burger King will ask you to leave. I know!

So quit complaining about your food in Union County schools! It tastes pretty good to me. And the peas still make great things to shoot from straws. Say funny things to make the weird kid blow milk out his nose. Tell that little girl she's eating cow intestines. There are all sorts of fun things you can do in the school lunch rooms.

But I sat there and got more and more disgusted, not by the food, but by the grownup attitudes of these kids! It appears to me that youth today has been wasted on kids, and they don't know how to enjoy it.

I was so totally ashamed at these kids who don't know how good they have it, I stood up to leave.

It was about this time I felt a tug on my shirt, and turned around. There stood this little girl smiling at me. "Mister," she said.

Mister? Wow, I don't think anyone has ever called me mister before. She had the sweetest little smile and the cutest dimples. At once my heart melted and I knelt down and asked, "yes honey?" What could this little waif want with me?

She looked up at me and batted her little eyes and replied, "You ate my sister's chicken nuggets, now pay up!"

Cost me an extra milk and a fudgesicle to learn something about kids that day. Kids are spoiled rotten, non chicken nugget sharing brats, who deserve to be fed squash.

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