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Annoynt' Me

I find life for the most part incredibly boring. I guess this is why I get in trouble a lot. My mind wanders much like Calvin's from the popular comic strip Calvin and Hobbes.

My wife can be in a department store just talking like crazy to me. More than often I'm thinking about whacking someone in the head or some other mischief and have no idea that she's even speaking to me.

I am easily annoyed myself. I allow myself to daydream to keep people from annoying me too much. But this week someone annoyed me worse that I have been annoyed in some time.

It's not a politician or a McDonalds employee, it's some unnamed dufus that e-mailed me this week. In the e-mail, the dufus explained what an idiot I am...Oh yeah real good, you sir are the first to ever tell me that. Then they say, it looks to them that Maynardville.Com is for the benefit of Chip Brown. Ummm yeah! That's why it says created by Chip Brown up in the corner. I'm telling you this guy is a rocket scientist. Next he tells me I ought not be putting my opinions on this site. I have to fill in that big white empty space in the middle with something. But this is what got me mostly. The guy lists several articles and gives me his opinion of each with spelling corrections. If the moron hated my opinion why did he read all of them? Ignoramus first class!

I like to annoy people, it's sort of a hobby of mine. I just don't like for people to do it back. Much like workers in a fast food establishment, I can dish it out, but eating it is another case. There is humor in annoying people, as long as I'm the annoy..er and not the anoy..ee.

I find the greatest amusement annoying people. Whether it's saying foolish things, or bumping my wife while she writes checks at Walmart. I love to do things just to see people's reactions. I recently gave a checkout girl at Ingles my recipe for chocolate covered Gummy Bears. She just stood there staring at me. My wife is used to it now and pays no attention to me.

Back when I was in school, I always stapled my reports halfway down the page to annoy my teachers. Once I turned in a book report written in crayon. Mr. Veneble wasn't very amused by that, but the look on his face was worth the D I got.

Sometimes, driving down the road I love to just honk my horn and wave to strangers. My wife will ask me who that was, and I'll admit that I have no idea. This works really good when you catch someone walking down the road and you creep up behind them slowly. If you do it just right they'll jump clear in the ditch and give you the one finger salute.

Once when I was 17 a friend and myself worked in Fountain City. They were always working on the road. For about a week they had put out these orange cones to block off a lane, but there was never any work. One night after we got off from work, my friend and I drove out there. He laid down in the road and I drew a chalk outline around him. The next day when I went to work all these workers were standing around looking at it.

These are the ways I amuse myself.

I like to lie too. I love to tell fibs about anything. If someone asks me the time of day, I hope they don't want to know for some important reason. Most often I will lie. Thats what they get for listening to someone who doesn't wear a watch.

But it's not all one sided. I get my own amount of people who annoy me. I guess it's life's little joke on me for all the problems I cause others.

I'll tell you someone who annoys me. The idiot that starts telling me a joke, then forgets the punchline. Then they stand there for a while and finally say, "I can't remember but it was a good one."

Then there are the people that answer my e-mail a month after I send it to them. They quote a bit of the text I sent, to help me follow along. Fact is, I really didn't know what I was talking about when I sent it and I have less of an idea a month later.

Then the third most annoying person to me is the guy that says, "did you hear that?" Then says, "never mind it's gone now."

Then there's the guy that just rambles on and on about the most idiotic things. Always yapping, never knowing when to shut up. He's the sort of person that if you ask him how to use the phone, he'll write you a phonebook. I'm glad that's not me! No sir, I know when to shut up. People don't have to tell me three times to shut up. It can't be said that I just keep on...................

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