Fire!

I will go on record right now as saying lighters don't burn fingers, people burn fingers. Now, I don't smoke never have, never will. However, I will confess to having one of those Bic Lighters in my toolbox. Next to my monkey wrench it's one of my most handy tools. I haven't seen anything I've ever worked on, that couldn't benefit from a little fire.

So the other day I cut myself some nylon rope off a spool I have. Of course, any man worth his salt knows you have to burn the ends of the rope to keep it from unraveling. I couldn't find my lighter, so I tried some matches. I was never good with matches. I'm one of those people that puts the match under his finger and pulls it out from under it to fire it.

Well, this day like most others I wasn't having any luck lighting a match. But while trying I found my lighter on a shelf right over my trash can. I retrieved my Bic and began to flick it. No trick to this, turn the wheel and depress the button, you have flame!

Well, apparently in all my efforts to light a match I had rubbed quite a bit of carbon-sulfur on my thumb. The Bic fired up pretty as you please and ignited the sulfur residue on my thumb. I ran around the basement with my thumb smoking like a Roman candle. Got a nice black blister here to prove it too.

So I sit there rubbing my wife's Aloe plant on my thumb thinking about matches and lighters. I figure I got burnt because there wasn't sufficient safety warnings on the matches. If there had been a warning about lighting your thumb like a bottle rocket, this might not have happened. I figure I was injured because of our governments lax attitude about matches. Matches are sold at every store, and several places give them away. Not once has anyone offered me a safety course on matches.

Not only are matches readily available, but so are the automatic versions called Bic Lighters. These lighters are easily concealed, made out of plastic and won't set off alarms, and most likely result in thousands of deaths every year! I think it's time we started regulating such a deadly item! Make them not so easily available. Maybe we should give away free locks to prevent the accidental ignition of such devices.

Now I watch that TV show Cops every night. Everytime they arrest some guy they empty out his pockets and right there on the car hood as clear as day is a Bic lighter! All criminals carry Bic lighters. I think there is a connection there. No, I am not for banning matches and lighters, that would only take matches out of the hands of honest people. Thieves and muggers would still have their matches.

Surely, nobody can give me a single good reason for anyone to own one of these automatic fire devices. Oh, they say it's to light cigarettes or burn leaves. But you and I both know that you can get fire simply by rubbing two sticks together, any boyscout can show you how. So why do we insist on selling these automated fire starting devices?

I submit to you there is only one reason someone posses a Bic lighter! Arson! If you want to commit arson you want a fast fire making device. If you are sitting outside of someones house getting ready to torch it you want something fast. It's sort of hard to explain why you're sitting outside someone's window rubbing two sticks together.

Now Bic is a huge company and most likely has supported several candidate in their election bids. Therefore, I think our only option is to attack the problem at the user level. Better education in schools. I think all kids should learn how to make fire without the aid of matches or lighters.

And the next time you see someone outside of Walmart flick their Bic or strike a match, run up and knock it from their hands, and scream arsonist!

Gosh dang my thumb hurts.

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