Strike Three

I went bowling the other night. First time ever in my life I had been bowling. Oh, I had watched it on TV a time or two, but this was my fist time in person.

Well folks, it's ever bit as boring in person as it is on TV. The couple that asked us to go are always asking and telling us what a great time it is. And granted they seemed to be having the time of their lives. Personally, I don't see the fun in rolling the cannon ball at some wobbly looking things. Personally, I think it would be more fun to throw them at the idiots that talked me into going bowling.

But, everyone seemed to be having a good time but me. So, I figured sure as a whiz they'd ask me to do it again if I didn't do something. I've leaned if there is an activity people want me to do that I hate, all you have to do is embarrass people and they won't ask you again.

I started off the night by yelling "Take that" everytime I rolled the ball toward the pins. Didn't work though, everyone thought it was funny. It was about this time I realized my work was cut out for me. I had not yet begun to embarrass!

The next time I rolled the ball I got down on my knees and started loudly praying for a strike. Now, I know what you're thinking but I've always thought God had a sense of humor. To prove this I indeed got a strike. Shortly after everyone in the place was rolling and praying, rolling and praying. It looked like a craps game in a Baptist Church. Well, that didn't work.

For my next feat of stupendous idiocy I decided to show everyone I could juggle bowling balls. Now granted, I had never tried to juggle anything in my life and probably should have started with something lighter, but after all, I was trying to embarrass everyone. Well, the juggling didn't embarrass anyone but my scream may have. The nice lady at the concession stand gave me ice for my foot. Then the manager gave us four free games! Dang! I was trying to rid myself of this boring nonsense and my idiocy so far had only converted some heathens to religion and won us another four games. Something was terribly wrong with my plan.

I went to the bubble gum machine and put in a quarter and was rewarded with a police whistle. Yes sir, this thing will surely get us tossed out. I'll wait until just the right time, blow it and the manager will ask us to leave and never return. I stood around waiting my chance watching all the people. It was at this time I walked over to the fountain and pressed the petal. As I bent over for a drink, instead of water I was met with air! I started toward the desk to complain about the dry fountain, when this little boy walks up, presses the lever and starts drying his hands.

Air? Whistle? Oh yeah, this will work.

After the kid went to get his ball I placed my whistle down the tube in the hand blower thingy. Then stood back and watched. The father of the group walked over and pressed the lever. Bleeeeeeeeeeet went the whistle, scaring the dickens out of everyone in the place. Oh surely the manager will come and I will confess and get tossed never to return.

Then disaster struck. The man accused the little boy, as he was the last to use it. I stepped forward and started to confess when the man started spanking the little boy. Well, hey, I wanted thrown out, I didn't want to be spanked. The man looked at me and asked what I wanted. I stood there for a minute looking at him. Then I confessed...I told him I saw the little boy do it.

My wife by this time had realized what I was up to and made me sit at the table and keep score. Well, I had absolutely no idea how to keep score, but they all bowled like I knew what I was doing back there at the score keeping thing. They'd bowl and I'd write. Every time they'd roll the ball I'd write some more.

When it was all over I think my team won as we had more words on our side than they had on their's. I think the final score was:

Them:
This game bites

Us:
I want to go home.

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