Redneckville

I saw on TV the other night where that Jeff Foxworthy guy is hawking home videos. Guess he has to do something, now that he's spent his fifteen minutes of fame. I predict it won't be long before the only lines he has to learn is "Do you want fries with that?"

I have never been as ashamed of anything in my life, as I was of this boy. Calls himself a southerner then goes off to Hollywood and starts making fun of us! What nerve! And all you people thought he was real funny too.

You might be a redneck if...You might be a redneck if.. Oh, it was real funny until he got to the one about siphoning gas out of the car for the lawnmower. I suspect this one was the one that sent his career downhill. The night he said that one on TV, I could swear I heard every man on my street, in unison say, "What the....that ain't funny boy!" We've all siphoned gas from the Toyota or Ford to mow the yard! After all, our wives told us to mow before they got home and we spent all morning watching the "do it yourself" construction shows. There ain't near enough time to drive all the way to the store for more gas!

That Foxworthy boy has a butt whoopin' coming, if he ever comes to Union County. He don't look so big on TV. If he is so big I'll get me some Tater Valley boys and tell them that city slicker called your momma a pig! They'll teach him to make fun of us! Well, they'll teach him not to call their momma a pig, but when they're done I'll explain the beating to him.

I asked around on some of my mail lists what people thought it took to be a redneck. Just exactly what does redneck mean? An overwhelming majority says the term applies to a beer swilling southern male, overweight who works on his car all the time in his front yard.

I know some of these people! I don't call them rednecks, I call them neighbors. But, if this is to be the classification of a redneck, it still doesn't explain red-neck. None of these people have a red neck that I've examined. I think it would be more accurate to call them...Pot bellies, butt crack showers, sweaty smellers or something like that. I just don't get it.

No, I don't feel superior to these people, they know how to work on cars. The thing the mechanic charges me $1200 to fix, these people could fix themselves for $1.99.

I consider myself a bumpkin.

I admit, I have siphoned gas from the Toyota for my International lawnmower. I admit I like Spam. I admit I have given my dog a bite of my bologna sandwich. I have broken wind and blamed it on the guy beside me in the McDonald's line. If I ever have a kid I will name it Junior, especially if it's a girl! If this makes me a redneck then so be it. I consider myself an American!

The contents of this page does not necessarily represent the opinions of Maynardville.Com, it's owners or the staff.